I talked to MA the other day so I thought I would give a quick update here for everyone who had been following our journey.
Maya is doing well, although she hasn't quite grasped the concept of sleeping at night yet. Poor M&M are up every 1.5 - 2 hours with her. I hope she figures out her days and nights soon - it would be nice if she could get it all settled before MA returns to work!
I am still pumping for Maya. I promised M&M from the beginning that I would pump for 30 days. Well, tomorrow will be 30 days and I don't feel like I'm done pumping. I don't know if it's my way of keeping the journey going or just because I know how good the milk is for her. Either way, I don't want to stop yet. BUT I can't continue pumping like I have been. Every morning I get up a half hour earlier than I usually do so that I have enough time to pump, clean everything, and pack it all up to take to work. Then I spend half of my lunch hour pumping in the server room (it's the only room that doesn't have windows and has a lock on the door). When I get home from work I have to pump again. Then I pump at least 2, if not 3 more times before bed. And on weekends, I pump even more - trying to keep it every 2-3 hours. So, I talked to M&M about continuing to pump but cutting out the work one and at least one evening one. I will have a lot more freedom if I don't have to pack up the pump to take to work with me, don't have to pump on my lunch hour, and can go out to dinner without worrying about being engorged. Maya will still be getting breastmilk and I will begin getting my life back. It's a win - win situation :-)
So, that's our update for now. I'm not sure when I'll be seeing M&M and Maya again - I'm pretty sure the pile of frozen breastmilk I have in my freezer is going to be shipped to them. If we come up with a date to get together, I'll be sure to let you all know!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
More Maya Pictures!
So yesterday we spent part of the day with M&M and Maya. MA made us a fabulous lunch and yummmmmmy dessert. Then we hung out for awhile, took pictures, and pretty much just enjoyed each other's company. <3
Here's some pictures of the beautiful girl. The first few are Maya chillin' on my chest and the last few are Maya with her proud daddies!
Here's some pictures of the beautiful girl. The first few are Maya chillin' on my chest and the last few are Maya with her proud daddies!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Woohoo!
We are going to the city on Sunday to see M&M and bring Maya some more breast milk. :-) Of course I will update with pictures after we get back!!
In the meantime, don't forget to check out my new journal at www.mylindaland.blogspot.com - thanks!!
In the meantime, don't forget to check out my new journal at www.mylindaland.blogspot.com - thanks!!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Tons of Maya Pictures!!
A few of Maya and me...
Paul with Maya
Shayla and Maya
The beautiful girl
M&M, Maya, and me
M&M, Maya, Shayla, and me
Paul with Maya
Shayla and Maya
The beautiful girl
M&M, Maya, and me
M&M, Maya, Shayla, and me
Friday, February 8, 2008
On to the next chapter...
If you feel compelled to continue following my life, you can hop on over to www.mylindaland.blogspot.com and watch for updates on me!!
And yes, I will continue to post updates and pictures of Maya here for everyone who has been following this amazing journey!
And yes, I will continue to post updates and pictures of Maya here for everyone who has been following this amazing journey!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Birth Story and Pictures
The Birth of Maya Lynn
At 9am on Saturday, January 26, 2008 I checked in to Lower Bucks Hospital to have my water broken. By the time they broke my water it was 9:45am. Dr. B informed me that I was almost at 5cm and was hopeful that this VBAC would progress well. Over the next hour or so, M&M and Ness (my doula) came in. We sat in the room hoping that the contractions would start on their own. Paul, Ness, and I played a few games of Uno to try and pass the time while waiting for my body to do what it was supposed to do.
Around 1:30pm, I was still having very few contractions and even the ones I was having were not really showing on the monitors. Dr. B checked me only to find I was still at 5cm. It was then that it was decided I had to receive drugs to induce labor. A little before 2pm I was started on a low dose of Pitocin. After about a half hour they raised the dosage, hoping to really get the contractions started. After the dosage was kicked up I started to feel the contractions working. Lying in bed was no longer comfortable for me so Ness helped me get onto the birthing ball and reminded me to breathe through the contractions. It seems like not too much longer that even sitting on the birthing ball was painful. I’m sure it was at least an hour, if not more, but at this point I wasn’t looking at the clock. Somewhere in there I think the nurse upped the Pit dosage again but I’m not completely sure. Ness put the birthing ball on the bed, she then had me stand to the side of the bed and lean over the birthing ball. That helped for a little while and then it was time to break out the big guns – the rice sock, the cold wash cloths, the massaging techniques, etc. Paul and Ness were by my side doing whatever was necessary to get me through each contraction. There were a few times I looked over at the monitor and saw my contractions through the roof and lasting for-e-ver. It was so painful but I was ok with it because I knew it was my body doing what it had to do. After awhile I started to feel nauseous and made sure everyone knew what was coming next. Yep, I tossed my guts right into the garbage can while leaning over the birthing ball. As upset as I was at this point, I kept reminding myself that all the pain was worth it…that throwing up was a great sign and meant I was getting close.
At 6:30pm Dr. B. checked me to find I was only at 7cm. That was when I lost it. I couldn’t do this. I had labored for 4.5 hours with no meds, I was in excruciating pain, I had vomited everywhere, and I had only gotten 2cm. How on earth was I going to continue doing this for another 3cm?? I really didn’t want to get an epidural so I asked for IV drugs. They brought in a shot of Nubain to try and help ease the pain. The only real downside to getting the drugs was that I was no longer allowed out of bed. The Nubain helped me relax a little between each contraction, unfortunately it did nothing for the actual contractions. And now they were even worse because I wasn’t allowed out of bed. That’s when I gave in and asked for the epidural. I was so disappointed in myself at that point. I felt like such a huge failure…before this I was determined to do this naturally and now because I had gotten the IV drugs there was no way I was going to be able to do it without the epi. Getting the epi was much better than when I had gotten it with my daughter. This time they allowed Paul and Ness to stay in the room with me, which made me feel much more comfortable.
After getting the epidural I decided to lay down and try to get some rest. A few hours later the nurse checked me and found that I was 9cm and getting really close. She didn’t want to make me push until I was feeling the urge so she told me to lay there and relax for awhile and they would check me again in a few hours. They checked me at 11:30pm and I was almost complete; I had a small lip left but they felt I could push past it. So, at 11:45pm we started pushing. This is where it all starts getting blurry. I couldn’t tell you how long it was before I started pushing from my side or when I went back to laying on my back or when the nurse pulled out the bars for me to hold onto or when everyone in the room got excited because you could see little Maya’s head as I was pushing. All I know is that I was pushing with all my might and felt like I was getting absolutely nowhere. The nurse assured me that I was doing well but things were looking bleak for my VBAC. At 2:00am Dr. B came in and said that we just hadn’t made enough progress. I got upset and he said he would give me another half hour to see where I could get. I spent that next half hour pushing harder than I ever thought possible. Unfortunately, it didn’t do enough. Dr. B. checked where I was again at 2:30am and I had made no progress. At that point it was obvious that we needed to do a c-section. I was so disappointed. I felt like there was something wrong with me. This is exactly what happened with my daughter - I pushed for hours only to find that I didn’t do enough and had to have a c-section. At least with my daughter there was an excuse – my epidural was still really strong and I couldn’t feel anything. But this time I could feel it. I could feel exactly where I was pushing. I could feel the burning as she got closer. So why could I not push her out? What was wrong with me? That was all I could think about.
My epidural had been turned off so I was in a lot of pain, feeling each contraction more than the last. Paul felt so bad for me so he went to beg the nurse to do something. She said the anesthesiologist was giving someone an epidural so there was nothing they could do. It seemed like FOREVER before they started getting me ready for the c/s. Finally, the anesthesiologist came in and shot my epidural with some drug that made me feel much better. I did get a really nasty side effect from the meds though – I started shaking uncontrollably. It lasted the whole time they were wheeling me into the OR, while they moved me to the table, while they were getting me prepped, pretty much as long as I can remember. I do remember being concerned about them performing surgery on me while I was shaking but next thing I knew I was off in la-la land. When I woke up a few minutes later Paul was next to me and the surgery had been started. I was no longer shaking, so I assume they had given me something to stop it. I kept drifting in and out and it seemed like an eternity before I heard the beautiful screams of a very upset baby. I remember overhearing the nurses and doctors all commenting on how big she was and guessing weights – some guessing as high as 12lbs. I thought I was hearing them wrong but I was then told she was 10lbs even. Then Dr. B. peaks over the curtain at me and says “There was no way you were getting that baby out the natural way. You did a great job getting as far as you did, I’m proud of you”. That made me feel better. Knowing that Maya not coming via VBAC wasn’t actually my fault. I really did do the best that I could. The rest of the time was feeling a ton of pressure and pulling and tugging. I remember feeling some pain at one point and then the anesthesiologist gave me more meds to put me into la-la land again.
So, that’s my recollection of the birth of Maya Lynn, who came into this world at 4:22am on January 27th, 2008 at 10lbs and 22 inches long. While I did put myself through a long day of labor and pushing only to have a c-section, I can honestly say I wouldn’t change it. I’m glad I was able to labor as long as I was. I’m glad I was able to push as long as I could. I’m proud of myself for getting as far as I did. You have to understand, I’m a wuss when it comes to pain so accomplishing what I did is no small feat.
M&M are beyond thrilled. They love that little girl more than life itself. I love talking to them right now because you can just hear the joy in their voices. She is going to be one spoiled little girl!!
And now, pictures!
Told you she was a big one!
Maya and me in the hospy (excuse the way I look - I'm puffy and gross from all that pushing!)
And a few pictures the proud daddies have sent to me!
At 9am on Saturday, January 26, 2008 I checked in to Lower Bucks Hospital to have my water broken. By the time they broke my water it was 9:45am. Dr. B informed me that I was almost at 5cm and was hopeful that this VBAC would progress well. Over the next hour or so, M&M and Ness (my doula) came in. We sat in the room hoping that the contractions would start on their own. Paul, Ness, and I played a few games of Uno to try and pass the time while waiting for my body to do what it was supposed to do.
Around 1:30pm, I was still having very few contractions and even the ones I was having were not really showing on the monitors. Dr. B checked me only to find I was still at 5cm. It was then that it was decided I had to receive drugs to induce labor. A little before 2pm I was started on a low dose of Pitocin. After about a half hour they raised the dosage, hoping to really get the contractions started. After the dosage was kicked up I started to feel the contractions working. Lying in bed was no longer comfortable for me so Ness helped me get onto the birthing ball and reminded me to breathe through the contractions. It seems like not too much longer that even sitting on the birthing ball was painful. I’m sure it was at least an hour, if not more, but at this point I wasn’t looking at the clock. Somewhere in there I think the nurse upped the Pit dosage again but I’m not completely sure. Ness put the birthing ball on the bed, she then had me stand to the side of the bed and lean over the birthing ball. That helped for a little while and then it was time to break out the big guns – the rice sock, the cold wash cloths, the massaging techniques, etc. Paul and Ness were by my side doing whatever was necessary to get me through each contraction. There were a few times I looked over at the monitor and saw my contractions through the roof and lasting for-e-ver. It was so painful but I was ok with it because I knew it was my body doing what it had to do. After awhile I started to feel nauseous and made sure everyone knew what was coming next. Yep, I tossed my guts right into the garbage can while leaning over the birthing ball. As upset as I was at this point, I kept reminding myself that all the pain was worth it…that throwing up was a great sign and meant I was getting close.
At 6:30pm Dr. B. checked me to find I was only at 7cm. That was when I lost it. I couldn’t do this. I had labored for 4.5 hours with no meds, I was in excruciating pain, I had vomited everywhere, and I had only gotten 2cm. How on earth was I going to continue doing this for another 3cm?? I really didn’t want to get an epidural so I asked for IV drugs. They brought in a shot of Nubain to try and help ease the pain. The only real downside to getting the drugs was that I was no longer allowed out of bed. The Nubain helped me relax a little between each contraction, unfortunately it did nothing for the actual contractions. And now they were even worse because I wasn’t allowed out of bed. That’s when I gave in and asked for the epidural. I was so disappointed in myself at that point. I felt like such a huge failure…before this I was determined to do this naturally and now because I had gotten the IV drugs there was no way I was going to be able to do it without the epi. Getting the epi was much better than when I had gotten it with my daughter. This time they allowed Paul and Ness to stay in the room with me, which made me feel much more comfortable.
After getting the epidural I decided to lay down and try to get some rest. A few hours later the nurse checked me and found that I was 9cm and getting really close. She didn’t want to make me push until I was feeling the urge so she told me to lay there and relax for awhile and they would check me again in a few hours. They checked me at 11:30pm and I was almost complete; I had a small lip left but they felt I could push past it. So, at 11:45pm we started pushing. This is where it all starts getting blurry. I couldn’t tell you how long it was before I started pushing from my side or when I went back to laying on my back or when the nurse pulled out the bars for me to hold onto or when everyone in the room got excited because you could see little Maya’s head as I was pushing. All I know is that I was pushing with all my might and felt like I was getting absolutely nowhere. The nurse assured me that I was doing well but things were looking bleak for my VBAC. At 2:00am Dr. B came in and said that we just hadn’t made enough progress. I got upset and he said he would give me another half hour to see where I could get. I spent that next half hour pushing harder than I ever thought possible. Unfortunately, it didn’t do enough. Dr. B. checked where I was again at 2:30am and I had made no progress. At that point it was obvious that we needed to do a c-section. I was so disappointed. I felt like there was something wrong with me. This is exactly what happened with my daughter - I pushed for hours only to find that I didn’t do enough and had to have a c-section. At least with my daughter there was an excuse – my epidural was still really strong and I couldn’t feel anything. But this time I could feel it. I could feel exactly where I was pushing. I could feel the burning as she got closer. So why could I not push her out? What was wrong with me? That was all I could think about.
My epidural had been turned off so I was in a lot of pain, feeling each contraction more than the last. Paul felt so bad for me so he went to beg the nurse to do something. She said the anesthesiologist was giving someone an epidural so there was nothing they could do. It seemed like FOREVER before they started getting me ready for the c/s. Finally, the anesthesiologist came in and shot my epidural with some drug that made me feel much better. I did get a really nasty side effect from the meds though – I started shaking uncontrollably. It lasted the whole time they were wheeling me into the OR, while they moved me to the table, while they were getting me prepped, pretty much as long as I can remember. I do remember being concerned about them performing surgery on me while I was shaking but next thing I knew I was off in la-la land. When I woke up a few minutes later Paul was next to me and the surgery had been started. I was no longer shaking, so I assume they had given me something to stop it. I kept drifting in and out and it seemed like an eternity before I heard the beautiful screams of a very upset baby. I remember overhearing the nurses and doctors all commenting on how big she was and guessing weights – some guessing as high as 12lbs. I thought I was hearing them wrong but I was then told she was 10lbs even. Then Dr. B. peaks over the curtain at me and says “There was no way you were getting that baby out the natural way. You did a great job getting as far as you did, I’m proud of you”. That made me feel better. Knowing that Maya not coming via VBAC wasn’t actually my fault. I really did do the best that I could. The rest of the time was feeling a ton of pressure and pulling and tugging. I remember feeling some pain at one point and then the anesthesiologist gave me more meds to put me into la-la land again.
So, that’s my recollection of the birth of Maya Lynn, who came into this world at 4:22am on January 27th, 2008 at 10lbs and 22 inches long. While I did put myself through a long day of labor and pushing only to have a c-section, I can honestly say I wouldn’t change it. I’m glad I was able to labor as long as I was. I’m glad I was able to push as long as I could. I’m proud of myself for getting as far as I did. You have to understand, I’m a wuss when it comes to pain so accomplishing what I did is no small feat.
M&M are beyond thrilled. They love that little girl more than life itself. I love talking to them right now because you can just hear the joy in their voices. She is going to be one spoiled little girl!!
And now, pictures!
Told you she was a big one!
Maya and me in the hospy (excuse the way I look - I'm puffy and gross from all that pushing!)
And a few pictures the proud daddies have sent to me!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Welcome Maya Lynn!
Where has my brain been? I haven't updated here since Maya was born! I'm not going to go into the whole thing right now as I have a long birth story all typed out on my other computer but...she's here!!
Unfortunately, the VBAC didn't go as planned - I did wind up having her via c-section on January 27, 2008 at 4:22am. Maya was a whopping 10lbs and 22inches long - no wonder I wound up with a c-section!!
M&M are thrilled and make such great daddies. <3
I've been pumping breastmilk for Maya and apparently she loves it - haha!!
I have to say this has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I feel so fulfilled, I can't even describe it. I wish I could do this 100 more times. Obviously my body won't allow for that but it would be nice to have this feeling last forever.
I have to thank everyone who has been there for me through all of this:
Paul - thank you for being such a wonderful, supportive husband. I know you made a LOT of sacrifices for me this past year and I really appreciate it. Not many men would agree to put themselves and their family through something like this - I know you agreed to it because you knew how much it meant to me. Thank you for that. Thank you for everything. <3
Shayla - I know you don't understand because you are only 2 but you have sacrificed a lot during this whole journey. Especially now, after the c-section, when I can't pick you up and you can't jump and play on me like you want to. I promise everything will be back to normal soon.
My family - Thank you all for supporting me this past year. I know when I originally told you what I was doing you all thought I was crazy but you came through and supported me anyway. I am grateful to have all of you in my life.
My friends - Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This whole experience would have been very different if I didn't have you all there supporting me and cheering me on. You all mean so much to me.
Ness - my doula, my friend. Thank you for being you. I know for a fact I would not have been able to accomplish what I did that day if you weren't by my side. I love you.
Dr. Belder and the nurses at Lower Bucks Hospital (especially Renee, my L&D nurse) - Thank you all for believing in me. I was determined to have a great labor and delivery and a lot of that determination was because you all knew I could do it. I truly felt like we were a team and that made a huge difference in how I handled everything that day. I will never forget you.
I will be posting my birth story either today or tomorrow. After that I will continue to update every now and then with pictures or stories about Maya Lynn. Although my surrogacy is over, the journey isn't. This was just Chapter 1 in the book of little Maya's life. <3
Unfortunately, the VBAC didn't go as planned - I did wind up having her via c-section on January 27, 2008 at 4:22am. Maya was a whopping 10lbs and 22inches long - no wonder I wound up with a c-section!!
M&M are thrilled and make such great daddies. <3
I've been pumping breastmilk for Maya and apparently she loves it - haha!!
I have to say this has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I feel so fulfilled, I can't even describe it. I wish I could do this 100 more times. Obviously my body won't allow for that but it would be nice to have this feeling last forever.
I have to thank everyone who has been there for me through all of this:
Paul - thank you for being such a wonderful, supportive husband. I know you made a LOT of sacrifices for me this past year and I really appreciate it. Not many men would agree to put themselves and their family through something like this - I know you agreed to it because you knew how much it meant to me. Thank you for that. Thank you for everything. <3
Shayla - I know you don't understand because you are only 2 but you have sacrificed a lot during this whole journey. Especially now, after the c-section, when I can't pick you up and you can't jump and play on me like you want to. I promise everything will be back to normal soon.
My family - Thank you all for supporting me this past year. I know when I originally told you what I was doing you all thought I was crazy but you came through and supported me anyway. I am grateful to have all of you in my life.
My friends - Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This whole experience would have been very different if I didn't have you all there supporting me and cheering me on. You all mean so much to me.
Ness - my doula, my friend. Thank you for being you. I know for a fact I would not have been able to accomplish what I did that day if you weren't by my side. I love you.
Dr. Belder and the nurses at Lower Bucks Hospital (especially Renee, my L&D nurse) - Thank you all for believing in me. I was determined to have a great labor and delivery and a lot of that determination was because you all knew I could do it. I truly felt like we were a team and that made a huge difference in how I handled everything that day. I will never forget you.
I will be posting my birth story either today or tomorrow. After that I will continue to update every now and then with pictures or stories about Maya Lynn. Although my surrogacy is over, the journey isn't. This was just Chapter 1 in the book of little Maya's life. <3
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